An Important Life Lesson

Confession. I didn’t always feel comfortable in my role as a therapist. I am sure this is the same for a lot of people in different professions and roles. But for me it felt agonising. A huge amount of work and effort went into getting accepted into my Master’s programme and then once in it I felt sometimes like I wanted to run a million miles away.

For me the problem was that I had this idea of what a psychologist was, how a psychologist looked and acted, and I thought I needed to fit in with this idea. The stresses and strains of being in an academic environment didn’t help matters. University always felt like a rigid and highly conformist structure, this ivory tower that dictated how one should be based how others had been for centuries. There was always one or two lecturers who believed in freedom and encouraged individualistic expression but the vast majority did things by the book.

If I had followed their lead I would have believed (which I truly did some of the time) that I needed to speak in a calm, low voice in order to be a real psychologist. A real psychologist wore clothes that were never too dramatic. A real psychologist’s hair was always pulled back in a conservative bun. Although these are all incredibly superficial markers of a “good therapist type”, they represented something more than that. The feeling I had was that perhaps it was my personality that was so ill suited to being a therapist.

I am a loud, bubbly, talkative person. Meet me out and about and you would never automatically think I was a therapist. People mostly believe I work in the arts, as an actress or artist or in advertising or something.

All these factors combined made the process of becoming a professional that much more tricky for me. I was constantly being confronted with this sense of being in the wrong place. I worried that I had made all this effort only to discover that I was hopelessly wrong for the role and would have to start from scratch again.

Each time I sat in the room with a client I thought about what other psychologists would say and do, I thought about what my lecturers would say and do, and I thought about how they would scold me for not fitting in with the model of what a therapist should look like.

The worst part about this, is that this really had a negative impact on the work. These intrusive thoughts interfered with my ability to really be present in the moment with clients as I was so busy trying to fit in with an idea of who I should be that I failed to truly listen and engage with what was in front of me. I felt tense and unsure of myself. And I worried constantly whether I was ever truly helping.

I think this is a really good analogy for all anxiety. Our anxiety takes us out of the moment. It pushes thoughts into our minds that call our selves into question. It asks us whether we’re good enough and tells us we’re going to fail. But fail at what?

My lesson was this. I learned, through my own process of self-discovery along with others’ guidance, that the only thing there is to be is yourself. There is actually no “model” for what makes someone a good therapist. Just like there is no model for what makes someone a good human. We all have to figure ourselves out in our own ways. But don’t think for one minute that you will ever arrive at a fixed point of completion. Because just when you think you know yourself, something else will come along that will test you and challenge you and you will discover another facet, another layer. The journey may go through different stages and you may feel on top of the world one minute and like a piece of dirt the next. The choice is always there, however, to be true to yourself.

And so this was/is my ultimate lesson. I believe there is only one thing each of us can ever do. It’s what drives out the anxiety. It’s what drives out the fear. And it’s what drives out the fake friends and false comrades. BE GENUINE. And if you can’t feel what is your genuine self right now then at least have the intention to reach out in that general direction.

When your thoughts undermine your courage and you question yourself or your role, just try and be yourself. Ask yourself what it is you really think, feel, and believe in. Ask yourself what you want to share with the world, what it is that you think you have to offer, and you will find that there is something there. It might not look or sound like what you expect it should be. But if it’s real then it will matter more than any performance could ever.

I can testify to this. Having now been practicing as a therapist for five years, I can tell you that there is no greater strength than that of being yourself, and there is no greater gift to others. I believe that over and above anything I may say in therapy, over and above any techniques I may use, the greatest gift I give my clients is that they come into contact with someone who is genuine. My determination to be myself, my commitment to be present, to be thoughtful and honest somehow gives them permission to be themselves and to find acceptance.

As Marianne Williamson wrote:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

I think we are all afraid of showing up and showing ourselves. If we expose ourselves for who we really are then we are also exposing our vulnerability and this feels scary and dangerous. I’m not saying it isn’t. I have not become immune to rejections. I do not feel invincible because I am myself. Hiding oneself from the world will keep you safer. But at what cost? The freedom you feel when you are just yourself is more thrilling than you can imagine. And not only that. I truly believe that it improves your “performance”. Ask any top sportsman. It isn’t possible to beat an equally talented opponent without the magic x-factor that comes with self-belief and the truly exquisite feat of tuning out the noise and  being fully present to the current moment. Go on, give it a go!

IMG_2174

Showing 30 comments
  • bolivia trek
    Reply

    I truly appreciate this blog post.Thanks Again. Want more.

  • Reply

    由全球生長因子與胜肽韓國廠商CAREGEN研發,利用美國專利「KP7-4胜肽技術」,獨特滲透配方提供高穩定、高滲透、高效能的胜髮環境,模擬人體生髮機制,目的使頭皮、毛囊恢復健康及作用活性,重啟生髮系統。DR CYJ髮胜肽療程的治療原理為 利用複合活性成分配方恢復毛髮平衡, 根據生態生物工程原理研發, 關鍵胜肽名為KP7-4,結合了七種專利胜肽, 實驗證明能有效模擬「人體胜髮因子」,掌握育髮四關鍵:毛囊強健、減緩異常落髮、強化髮根、供給毛囊血管營養,模擬毛髮循環機制,同時減緩異常落髮及強化髮根。DR.CYJ髮胜肽不含藥性且無副作用,能有效促進增髮

  • chatbot
    Reply

    廣告攔截

  • 鈴鐺線
    Reply

    介紹肌膚保養系列中的面膜産品。

  • minecraft
    Reply

    Way cool! Some extremely valid points! I appreciate you penning this article and the rest of the site is also really good.

  • Reply

    What’s up to every one, as I am really keen of reading this
    webpage’s post to be updated regularly. It carries pleasant
    data.

  • Reply

    「 生蛇 」( 醫學名稱是 『帶狀疱疹』Shingles ) 是由水痘病毒引起的疾病。水痘癒合後,病毒在神經細胞潛伏多年,日後隨時重新激活後導致的帶狀皮疹,就是「 生蛇 」。因此,凡感染過水痘的人,都有機會「 生蛇 」。病發時,身體某一部位會感到內疼或劇痛,通常是臉或背部及腰部的一側;這時由於病毒從脊髓處沿其中華一條神經擴散到身體以及去到連接的皮膚表面,形成紅疹及小水疱。帶狀疱疹疫苗Zostavax康栢苗 (蛇針)能助減低「 生蛇 」的機會,有效預防: 「 生蛇 」( 帶狀疱疹 ) 成效高達 70% 「 生蛇 」的後遺神經痛:即使紅疹痊癒,神經痛還可以持續數月或數年。年紀越大,持續有後遺 神經痛風險越高 「 生蛇 」引起的急性及長期痛症 不適用人士: 曾對疫苗成分包括明膠( Gelatin ) 及紐奧黴 ( Neomycin ) 有過敏性休克反應的人士 有原發及繼發性免疫系統問題的病患者,或正服用抑鬱免疫系統藥物(如高劑量膽固醇)的病人 患有肺結核,正發病及未經治療人士 孕婦

  • 韓風
    Reply

    自體脂肪移植、自體脂肪隆乳、隆乳手術、抽脂手術等一些相關、似是而非或有爭議的事項的披露與討論。

  • Reply

    Baby Foot 寶貝腳 商品一覽 找品牌 以UrCosme指數高至低排序 第1頁 Baby Foot 寶貝腳 化妝品商品一覽,提供 Baby Foot 寶貝腳的產品列表,以UrCosme指數高至低排列,共6件,Baby Foot 寶貝腳的搜尋結果之第1頁

  • 滋潤
    Reply

    前額整形、額頭整形、自體脂肪移植、額骨柔化、臉面女性化、facial feminization surgery, FFS等一些相關議題、似是而非或有爭議的事項的披露與討論。

  • tinder dating site
    Reply

    It’s hard to find well-informed people about this
    topic, but you sound like you know what you’re talking about!
    Thanks

  • 醫學美容講座
    Reply

    清除堆積,縮小58的毛孔外觀,控制多餘油脂。

  • Reply

    I got this web site from my pal who told me regarding this web page and at
    the moment this time I am visiting this website and reading very informative content
    at this time.

  • Reply

    The Body Shop 美體小舖 【純淨果香】義大利檸檬唇部滋養霜 Sweet Lemon Lip Butter的商品介紹 The Body Shop 美體小舖,純淨果香,義大利檸檬唇部滋養霜 Sweet Lemon Lip Butter

  • Reply

    CO2激光(CO2 laser / 二氧化碳激光)的波長是10600nm,照射到皮膚上會被皮膚的水份吸收,瞬間將皮膚有問題的組織氣化。CO2激光可以用來消除各種皮膚問題包括疣、癦、痣、脂溢性角化、粉刺和汗管瘤等。當治療後,您的皮膚需要5至10天時間復原。期間保持傷口清潔便可。優點:CO2激光所切割的深度比刮除術較深,亦較精準。可以處理較深層的皮膚問題,例如去除癦、油脂粒、肉粒、疣、珍珠疣、角質增生等。其復原亦較快,減少留下疤痕的機會。它最大的優點在於,能夠進一步減少激光治療過程當中的熱損傷反應,提升了激光治療的安全性,治療過程中幾乎沒有疼痛感

  • Reply

    Hey there I am so excited I found your weblog, I really found you by accident,
    while I was looking on Yahoo for something else, Anyhow I am here now and would just like to
    say kudos for a remarkable post and a all round exciting blog (I also love the theme/design), I
    don’t have time to go through it all at the minute but I have book-marked it and also included your
    RSS feeds, so when I have time I will be back to read a
    great deal more, Please do keep up the superb work.

  • Reply

    I am curious to find out what blog system you are utilizing?

    I’m having some minor security problems with my latest website and I’d like to find something more safe.
    Do you have any solutions?

  • Reply

    【部落客Bonnie】內開式眼袋淚溝手術,跟黑眼圈眼袋說掰掰 淨妍醫美 淨妍醫美的冷凍減脂 (又稱酷爾塑平、冷凍溶脂)為非侵入性、在體外即能達到減脂的療程。原理為在體外使用低溫探頭,使體內脂肪承受不住低溫而結晶凋亡,達成減脂目的。酷塑冷凍減脂擁有極佳舒適性與幾乎無恢復期的療程特性,且近年來在瘦大腿、瘦手臂、瘦肚子、瘦腰圍與男性女乳症與雙下巴雕塑等方面都有成功案例。冷凍減脂費用請洽淨妍醫美診所

  • Reply

    whoah this weblog is fantastic i like reading your articles.

    Stay up the great work! You realize, a lot of individuals are looking round for this info, you can aid them greatly.

  • descargar facebook
    Reply

    With havin so much written content do you ever run into any
    problems of plagorism or copyright violation? My site has a lot of unique content
    I’ve either written myself or outsourced but it appears a lot of it is
    popping it up all over the web without my authorization. Do you know any methods to
    help stop content from being ripped off? I’d definitely appreciate it.

  • quest bars cheap
    Reply

    You are so interesting! I do not suppose I’ve read through anything like that
    before. So good to discover another person with
    some original thoughts on this subject matter.

    Seriously.. thanks for starting this up. This site is one thing that is required
    on the web, someone with some originality!

  • quest bars cheap
    Reply

    Quest bars cheap fitnesstipsnew1 quest bars cheap 516999410492780544 quest bars cheap
    Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I truly appreciate your efforts and I am waiting for your further write ups thank you
    once again. Quest bars cheap fitnesstipsnew1 quest bars cheap
    516999410492780544 quest bars cheap

  • Quest Protein Bars
    Reply

    Touche. Great arguments. Keep up the great
    work.

  • Quest Bars Cheap
    Reply

    My family all the time say that I am wasting my time here at net, except I know I am getting know-how everyday by reading such fastidious articles.

  • Reply

    Our scout is a top football expert who attends matches each week searching for the next star. This week he is checking in on Sunderland’s George Honeyman, who netted on Wednesday. Sunderland academy product George Honeyman is a dream winger who can drive forward and create chances

  • Reply

    This article is in fact a pleasant one it assists new internet viewers, who
    are wishing for blogging.

  • Sling TV
    Reply

    My brother suggested I may like this website.
    He was entirely right. This post truly made my day.
    You can not consider just how much time I had spent for this info!
    Thanks!

  • Sling TV
    Reply

    Howdy! Quick question that’s completely off
    topic. Do you know how to make your site mobile friendly?

    My web site looks weird when viewing from my iphone.
    I’m trying to find a theme or plugin that might be able to
    fix this issue. If you have any recommendations, please share.
    Appreciate it!

  • Sling TV
    Reply

    Hi, Neat post. There’s an issue together with your website in web explorer, would test
    this? IE still is the marketplace leader and a huge section of other people will
    leave out your excellent writing due to this problem.

  • Sling TV
    Reply

    Hi there would you mind sharing which blog platform you’re working
    with? I’m going to start my own blog soon but I’m having a tough time selecting between BlogEngine/Wordpress/B2evolution and Drupal.

    The reason I ask is because your layout seems different then most
    blogs and I’m looking for something unique.
    P.S My apologies for getting off-topic but I had to ask!

Leave a Comment

Contact Us

We're not around right now. But you can send us an email and we'll get back to you, asap.

Not readable? Change text. captcha txt

Start typing and press Enter to search