Daniel Jake Sher’s Answers
What makes you a great boyfriend?
Probably the fact that I usually prioritize the needs of others over my own.
What makes you a crap boyfriend?
I’m young and unsure of myself and my place in this world. Mt identity is floating all over the place, waiting to solidify around something or other. Not knowing who I am is difficult enough for me, but I’d imagine that it can be extremely stressful and confusing for my partner to deal with!
What is your biggest relationship regret?
Finding the lady that can only be described as ‘the one’ (if you’ll excuse the cliché) – but having to call things off prematurely because I wasn’t in the right place or space to give her the emotional energy that she deserved.
What is the hardest part about being in a relationship for you?
My own guilt about taking alone time.
What is your sex spirit animal?
A platypus. I’m awkward. Let’s just leave it at that.
Are you comfortable talking about sex around your friends?
On the whole, yes.
At which point in the conversation does it become cringey?
Sex and emotions are kept separate in the discourse of many males my age. I’d imagine that things would start to become uncomfortable if someone started bringing emotions – the soppy stuff – into a discussion about physical sex.
Do you give your friends advice? Which topic(s) do you feel comfortable with? (Love/Sex/Money/Drugs/Music)
I’m not sure if I’d call it advice – certainly not in a practical sense. Comparatively I know so little about these sorts of topics, and to assume that I’m in a position to tell people what to do would seem arrogant. Usually, the closest thing that I’ll offer to advice is comments/questions/observations which might make the person think a bit more clearly about the issue at hand, and what significance this issue holds for them personally. I guess it’s sort of like a counselling approach: rather than telling them what to do, I try to help them to better understand how they feel about the choice or issue with which they’re faced.
Do you think there is value in seeing a therapist and why?
Absolutely! For support and emotional containment if/when this is needed. If you’re going through a tough-time, therapy can help you process your thoughts and emotions which I would like to think will ultimately help you to become more at peace with yourself and the people in your life. Otherwise, even if you’re not going through any sort of turmoil, personal growth is a huge benefit of therapy! We all think we know ourselves until we hear the opinion of an insightful other that we’ve opened up to – what an experience that can be!
How do you think you’ve grown emotionally over the last 10 years?
Well, ten years ago I was fourteen years old and barely conscious, emotionally or otherwise. Since then I have developed a greater awareness of and receptivity toward my own emotions and thoughts. Following that, I started to become increasingly aware of how other people experienced emotions. And right now I’m getting into the exciting psychological territory of trying to understand interpersonal dynamics – how two people with two different emotional fields interact and influence one-another (whether this is in a relationship or in therapy).
Which emotions scare you the most and why?
The scariest emotions are the ones that I don’t understand, or the ones that I’m not consciously aware of. For a rational person such as myself, knowledge is control – experiencing emotions that I can’t make sense of can be disconcerting. Though sometimes this can also be a bit enthralling – a nice reminder that humans are wonderfully messy and unpredictable: emotional beings, rather than purely rational ones.