Some tongue-in-cheek advice for a noisy masturbator ;)

“Dear Carly, sometimes I need to let off steam and want to masturbate in my bedroom, but my housemate can hear everything because the walls are thin. This leave me disgruntled, and wanting to have sex with any man in his house so that my housemate won’t hear me. Am I a sex addict? do you know ways I can masturbate quietly? Sincerely, Sexually Frustrated”

Wow, it sounds like you’re not sexually frustrated at all. Any girl/guy (your gender was never mentioned) who achieves scream-worthy orgasms by their own hand has it going on. Big ups, yo! I’m very happy to hear that you are sensitive enough to consider your housemate’s needs in all of this though. I am sure there are times your housemate is not at home. Take those opportunities to let your passion prevail unperturbed. If you are able to find a decent and clean man who actually live in a house and wants to have sex with you, then good for you. Sex addicts aren’t really a thing anyway (see here). In terms of keeping it quiet, well a gag or gimp mask might do the trick. Otherwise go into the kitchen, open the cupboard, and pour yourself a cup of shut the fuck up. Just kidding. Love you!

 

***DISCLAIMER***

This piece of advice is intended to be funny/tongue-in-cheek.

But it demonstrates that you really can ASK ME ANYTHING…

Whether it’s just for fun or not, please drop me a line #onthecouchwithcarly

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  • […] personality. I can write a post about gender inequality and then follow it up with some crazy advice about how to keep quiet while masturbating. No topic is off limit and I welcome comments, questions and all manner of interactivity. I have […]

  • […] Couch first began, it seemed like all the questions I got were about sex. You can see some examples here and here. Now don’t get me wrong, I love talking about sex just as much as the next person […]

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