I usually share my gratitude on a Wednesday but yesterday I had a 14 hour day so it didn’t happen. I guess, on Carly’s Couch, Gratitude Wednesdays can sometimes be on a Thursday too!

On Sunday I celebrated two years in Berlin. As I write this now I am sitting in my beautiful Friedrichshain apartment – the place I have called home for almost two years –and my heart is a mix of so many emotions.

The reason for this current affective cacophony is due to the fact that even though I love my home

even though I am happier than I’ve ever been here,

even though my practice is thriving and I adore my clients,

even though all of this I am moving back to my real home.

 

I am moving back to Cape Town.

 

I came here mid 2014 looking for adventure. I wished for “another kind of experience” that would grow me in ways that being in my Cape Town comfort zone wouldn’t. Despite a truly rocky start, or maybe because of it, I got exactly that.

I have grown immensely. I have learned to live on my own and with myself. I have set up my own practice. I have gained two years of solid work experience. I have strengthened my love and appreciation for my craft and have found new depths to this professional identity that I have never felt more comfortable wearing.

And so I thank you, Berlin.

Thank you for being hard and hard-to-love. Thank you for testing me and for bringing me in touch with myself. Thank you for encouraging individuality and for allowing alternative viewpoints. Thank you for nourishing rebellion and for shirking conformity.

Thank you also for

your dirt,

your grime, and

your greyness.

Thank you for never allowing me to rest pretty. Thank you for your diversity. Thank you for your everything.

In your inhospitableness I found home inside myself. On your vomity streets, I found the spring in my step. Out of your lust for darkness, I found the light that shines from within.

And so the adventure continues. Within familiarity I hope to find new potential and growth. I hope to put down roots and for those roots to be nourished by the kind of magic that can only be found in African soil.

I am eternally grateful for my European sojourn. To think that it was only 70 odd years ago that my ancestors were murdered here and now I am thanking this land for its gifts of support and growth. That is transformation, phew!

I now wish to return to my homeland with renewed hope for our collective struggle towards transformation. I hope to be an ally in this struggle and I hope to tread lightly on the piece of earth that became the refuge for my ancestors all those years ago.

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