Niel’s Answers

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1. What makes you a great boyfriend?

I want my partner to have an amazing life, even the parts of it that have nothing to do with me. So I’m not the possessive/jealous type.

2. What makes you a crap boyfriend?

I hate confrontation, so my instinct is to avoid difficult conversations that are actually quite necessary to having a healthy relationship.

3. What is your biggest relationship regret?

I am genuinely sad about the ones that don’t transition into any kind of friendship, but that’s not always possible.

4. What is the hardest part about being in a relationship for you?

Sometimes, you are having so much fun with another person that you forget to cultivate your own interests & oddities. It’s been explained to me thus: if you become completely wrapped up in someone else, what is left over for them to be attracted to?

5. What is your sex spirit animal?

James Spader.

6. Are you comfortable talking about sex around your friends? At which point in the conversation does it become cringey?

I love the point in some friendships where you realise “you are a complete horndog and I can talk to you about this stuff!” As long as you don’t compromise your partner or air your dirty laundry, I think it can be fun. Of course, with some friends the moment never comes. Alcohol helps.

7. Do you give your friends advice? Which topic(s) do you feel comfortable with? (Love/Sex/Money/Drugs/Music)

I haven’t met a person who doesn’t enjoy telling other people how to live their lives. I am just as preachy as the next guy, and like that next guy, I think I am God’s gift to sage advice. I have been consulted on all of the above, although music is particularly difficult since the only band that everyone likes is The Beatles!

8. Do you think there is value in seeing a therapist and why?

Yes. I think a lot of people don’t realise how many of their “problems” are all related to some root cause, or cluster of causes. An objective professional is better equipped than most at turning your introspection in that direction, which is way more productive than just brooding on your own. Friends are great, but a sympathetic friend will often let you pour your heart out without getting to the crux of the matter.

9. How do you think you’ve grown emotionally over the last 10 years?

I definitely have a bit more yang to my yin nowadays – be nice to others, but listen to your inner selfish bastard once in a while or else it clogs up the spiritual gears.

10. Which emotions scare you the most and why?

Can anyone honestly answer anything other than “loneliness”? But it’s in facing the scary ones that you become strong and interesting, so I try to welcome loneliness when it comes along.

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