When it comes to subtle, I might not be the best person to ask. I put the B in subtle, to be honest. Mostly this has something to do with my bubbly and over-eager personality but also I’m just generally someone who wears my heart on my sleeve and I stupidly think that as long as I’m honest, everything will be all right. Therefore, I am guilty of being extremely direct when it comes to most things. This is probably a disadvantage when it comes to relationships, especially with potential love interests. Even I know that playing hard to get actually really works and have also recently learnt the phrase “treat them mean to keep them keen”, which shockingly is actually a good strategy with guys.

The game of desire and attraction is complicated as there are so many variables to consider. Some of these variables are less under our control. Physical attraction, chemistry and timing play a huge role in whom we attract and whom we are attracted to. Obviously we can put extra attention into our appearance and make an effort to be in close proximity to the object of desire (the extreme of this would be stalking the person on facebook and going to the events he is attending) but at the end of the day we can never force someone to notice us or find us attractive.

If you’ve already been flirting and there is some indication that the attraction and desire is there then I guess there is always a waiting period between when he notices you and the moment he finally asks you out. If this is where you are at, then sure I can imagine that there are a few subtle hints that you could throw out there. I feel I am underequipped to assist you with this though unfortunately and perhaps a guy’s opinion would be really useful here.

I know that guys are quite simple and do not appreciate the ambiguous and confusing messages girls sometimes give off. So try and be clear with yourself and with him about what you want while at the same time leaving something to the imagination. I know there is lots of talk out there of “the game” and “the chase”. I think the point is that we shouldn’t be too available too early on. We sometimes run into trouble when we are over-eager because either it feels too easy or the threat of intimacy is too scary. But then again do we really have to resort to manipulation to make things work romantically? I think some guys are really shy and need a lot of positive feedback before making a proper move. In other words “subtle hints” probably fall on a continuum between making eye contact and blushing to going straight up to him and saying “let’s get out of here”. You obviously have your own style of doing things and I would suggest trusting your intuition and doing what feels right but at the same time I believe that “nothing ventured, nothing gained” is a real thing and sometimes you just have to take some risks. But taking a risk is, well, risky so be prepared to sometimes have to face rejection. On the bright side, if the risk pays off then hopefully it’s worth it.

Good luck out there!

Hit me up if this response left you cold and please, dear readers, join the conversation!

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