When you get to a point in your life and its time for a big change because you are finished with University or for whatever reason, and at this point you do not necessarily know where to turn. Committing to the dude freaks you out. losing him freaks you out. staying in your hometown freaks you and leaving freaks you. starting a job in your ‘chosen career’ freaks you cos you not sure if that’s what you want etc.. what do you do?
Shit dude, welcome to life!
It sounds like you’re slightly ambivalent about change. The life choices before you are resulting in a crisis. The good news is that this is really the stuff of growing up. Your baptism into adulthood, I’m afraid, is unlikely to be as glamorous, romantic or streamlined as you wish. Mostly it’s about making hard choices and feeling lost. But as long as you are feeling these things then you know you are progressing as a human.
In developmental terms, a crisis is necessary and usually precipitates growth. As a baby, you learned to crawl and walk because you felt the need to reach out (literally) to objects in your environment. But before your body was ready to take those first steps, you were in crisis, immobility causing you anguish and frustration.
This desire to learn and expand your consciousness is from what I believe a natural human endeavor that continues throughout the life cycle. But obviously as you get older the crises and choices are more serious with equally serious consequences.
To a large degree I think you have to trust your intuition. Go with what feels right. Sounds great on paper but it’s still pretty hard to achieve. Ultimately, decisions need to be made because there’s nothing worse than that ambivalent, questioning phase although its a completely necessary part of the process.
Your emotions right now are most likely falling on the anxiety spectrum. Fear is natural. Acknowledge your fear as you step into the unknown. Yes it is scary but you can do this! Remember ” it’s not brave if you’re not scared”. The choice to step into the unknown, the courage to make difficult life decisions and the strength to follow through with these and accept their consequences makes you who you are. If you can do these with integrity and grace then you are basically an ace human being and one worthy of all of life’s great offerings. And I believe the universe will respond in kind. Good luck!