Why do we stay in bad relationships?

If Beyoncé’s album Lemonade is anything to go by, then we can assume that even Queen B has experienced betrayal and hurt at the hands of the man she loves. Not that I ever thought they were invincible but it just goes to show that no one, however powerful and fabulous, is immune to being fucked over in relationships.

Relationships are hard. Committed, long-term relationships are the hardest. There is definitely some beauty in the story of overcoming hardships together and finding the way back to love but I wonder how much B taking Jay back after he cheated supports the notion that committed relationships involve suffering. In this narrative we are taught to endure difficulties in relationships, that “sticking it out” and “fighting through the pain” are inevitables when it comes to love. But what happens when this narrative drives us to accept the bullshit that no one should accept. My concern is that we over-commit to the wrong people too soon in relationships.

What do you think?

For example, how many people do you know who set their sights on someone and despite all the signs being there, remain interested long after their crush has shown anything from disinterest to disrespect. How many of you have excused him/her for

  • Not calling
  • Not paying his/her way
  • Not touching you affectionately
  • Late night booty calls but then silence
  • Silence
  • Silence
  • Silence
  • Friendzoning
  • Being used
  • Seeing other people
  • Not being ready to commit
  • Not being honest
  • ???

The list goes on. Sure, accepting these forms of mistreatment are to a large degree determined by one’s own sense of low self-esteem/desperation/neediness/worthlessness. We accept the love we think we deserve. But let’s face it, all of us have at some point been vulnerable to someone who gives us less than we deserve. It is incredible to me how so many people put up with mistreatment in relationships. But why?

  1. We think he/she will change
  2. We think we just need to show him/her love and acceptance and it will all magically be resolved
  3. We are prepared to take the scraps
  4. We are afraid of being alone
  5. We like the chase
  6. We just don’t know any different

So what should we be looking for and how can we learn to distinguish whether someone’s shitty behaviour is worth accepting or not?

I don’t think there are hard or fast answers for any of these things but I know this for sure. If he/she likes you, you will know about it. When he/she is ready and willing for a committed relationship, it won’t take a rocket scientist to discover this fact. If you’re questioning and doubtful over his/her interest then he/she probably isn’t that into you. Come on, guys, there is a whole book written on this very topic!

Some clues he/she is into you:

  • He/she always texts back, sometimes straight away
  • He/she says yes to your invitations or sends you invitations
  • He/she refers to going out/dating/going steady/being girl- or boyfriends
  • He/she talks about the relationship as an entity after you’ve been seeing each other for some time e.g. “I feel like we’re doing well as a couple”
  • He/she respects your boundaries
  • He/she respects the contracts of the relationship

Whether you’re in the early stages or deep into a long-term relationship, there will be times when that significant other does something to hurt you or piss you off. Ask yourself:

  • Is this a deal-breaker?
  • Do I have to sacrifice too much of myself in order to accept this?
  • Does this go against my set of values?
  • Does this infringe on our personal agreement?
  • Does this disrespect me as a person, my rights?

If it’s a yes to any of the above then you probably need to reassess what’s going on. As a couple’s counsellor I can tell you that couples can come back from just about anything. There are many betrayals and wounds that can be healed with therapy if both parties are prepared to do the work. It takes a lot of energy but it isn’t impossible. There are ways, like Lemonade shows us, to find our way through betrayal and back to love. I believe that some couples actually have their bond strengthened by going through hardships. But before you begin to romanticise the brokenness, remember that the fundamentals have to be in place. Above all else, choose someone who shows you respect, love, and commitment.

IMG_3398

“how far have you walked for men who’ve never held your feet in their laps?

how often have you bartered with bone, only to sell yourself short?

why do you find the unavailable so alluring?

where did it begin? what went wrong? and who made you feel so worthless?

if they wanted you, wouldn’t they have chosen you?

all this time, you were begging for love silently, thinking they couldn’t hear you, but they smelt it on you, you must have known that they could taste the desperate on your skin?”

Warsan Shire

Showing 107 comments
  • bolivia trek
    Reply

    I value the post.Much thanks again. Great.

  • suba pron
    Reply

    cZ8Vnd Keep up the good piece of work, I read few articles on this site and I believe that your web blog is really interesting and holds lots of wonderful information.

  • Reply

    “Thank you for sharing these types of wonderful articles. In addition, the best travel as well as medical insurance approach can often eliminate those issues that come with visiting abroad. A new medical crisis can quickly become costly and that’s sure to quickly put a financial impediment on the family’s finances. Putting in place the ideal travel insurance program prior to leaving is definitely worth the time and effort. Thanks a lot”

  • Reply

    I really enjoy the blog article.

  • Reply

    media iаАаб‚Т€а‚ a great sourаАааАТƒe ?f data.

  • Reply

    Thanks a lot for the blog article. Will read on

  • CCTV packages
    Reply

    Very informative blog article.Thanks Again. Really Cool.

  • Reply

    “Wow that was strange. I just wrote an really long comment but after I clicked submit my comment didn’t appear. Grrrr… well I’m not writing all that over again. Anyway, just wanted to say wonderful blog!”

  • giant dildos
    Reply

    Very informative blog.Really looking forward to read more. Fantastic.

  • Reply

    Thanks for the blog article.Much thanks again. Awesome.

  • dich vu hoa tang
    Reply

    Thank you ever so for you article post.Much thanks again. Want more.

  • sofa gia re tai hcm
    Reply

    There is evidently a bunch to identify about this. I suppose you made some nice points in features also.

  • Superbet
    Reply

    Appreciate you sharing, great article.Really looking forward to read more. Fantastic.

  • dildo review
    Reply

    I cannot thank you enough for the blog.Thanks Again. Keep writing.

  • penis extender
    Reply

    I am so grateful for your blog post. Great.

  • Reply

    Thanks a lot for the blog article.Really looking forward to read more.

  • Reply

    Looking forward to reading more. Great post.Thanks Again. Awesome.

  • Reply

    My brother suggested I might like this website. He was totally right. This post actually made my day. You cann at imagine simply how much time I had spent for this information! Thanks!

  • Reply

    When I initially left a comment I seem to have clicked on the

  • stomatologija Perm'
    Reply

    Very good write-up. I certainly appreciate this site. Stick with it!

  • penis sleeve
    Reply

    Really enjoyed this blog post.Thanks Again.

  • Reply

    Im thankful for the blog.Really thank you! Great.

  • Reply

    Major thanks for the blog article.Really looking forward to read more. Will read on

  • Reply

    Looking forward to reading more. Great blog article.Much thanks again.

  • sanidad
    Reply

    I think you have mentioned some very interesting points, regards for the post.

  • Marketing
    Reply

    Lettre extraordinaire laps, %anchor% conforme ‘а„ cette image, merci

  • Reply

    Im grateful for the article.Thanks Again. Awesome.

  • Reply

    I regard something genuinely special in this web site.

  • Reply

    Normally I do not learn post on blogs, but I would like to say that this write-up very forced me to try and do it! Your writing taste has been surprised me. Thanks, very great post.

  • dmca
    Reply

    Im grateful for the blog post.Much thanks again. Really Great.

  • Reply

    Thanks so much for the post.Thanks Again. Really Cool.

  • Reply

    Thanks for every other fantastic post. Where else may anyone get that type of information in such a perfect way of writing? I have a presentation next week, and I am at the search for such info.

  • Reply

    Spot on with this write-up, I truly think this website needs rather more consideration. I?ll probably be again to read rather more, thanks for that info.

  • Prospernoah.com
    Reply

    Normally I don at read article on blogs, but I wish to say that this write-up very pressured me to take a look at and do so! Your writing taste has been amazed me. Thanks, quite nice article.

  • Reply

    My brother recommended I might like this website. He was totally right. This post truly made my day. You cann at imagine just how much time I had spent for this information! Thanks!

  • Reply

    This blog is really entertaining as well as factual. I have found many helpful things out of it. I ad love to come back again soon. Thanks a bunch!

  • Reply

    Just Browsing While I was surfing yesterday I saw a great post concerning

  • Reply

    Wow, wonderful blog structure! How long have you been running a blog for? you make running a blog look easy. The entire glance of your website is magnificent, let alone the content!

  • dinstrom.no
    Reply

    If some one needs expert view about running a blog afterward i recommend him/her to go to see this weblog, Keep up the pleasant work.

  • click here
    Reply

    Way cool! Some extremely valid points! I appreciate you penning this post and also the rest of the website is also really good.

  • amazon fees
    Reply

    Thanks for the article post.Really thank you! Fantastic.

  • Reply

    I think this is a real great blog.Really thank you! Fantastic.

  • to learn more
    Reply

    Really informative post.Thanks Again. Will read on

  • Reply

    I really like and appreciate your blog post. Really Great.

  • Toronto Escorts
    Reply

    I think this is a real great article post.Thanks Again. Great.

  • Reply

    Hey, thanks for the blog post.Much thanks again. Want more.

  • Reply

    Im obliged for the article post.Really thank you! Keep writing.

  • Teganica.Nl
    Reply

    Muchos Gracias for your blog post.Much thanks again. Keep writing.

  • Secret Arrangement
    Reply

    Very good article. Really Great.

  • Reply

    I truly appreciate this blog article.Really looking forward to read more.

  • Bond Back Cleaning
    Reply

    A round of applause for your article. Want more.

  • bitcoin
    Reply

    Im thankful for the article.Really thank you! Great.

  • Reply

    Thank you for your blog.Thanks Again. Awesome.

  • syngas analyzer
    Reply

    It is truly a nice and helpful piece of info. I am glad that you simply shared this helpful information with us. Please stay us informed like this. Thanks for sharing.

  • 4k tv as monitor
    Reply

    Really enjoyed this blog article.Really looking forward to read more. Great.

  • Reply

    Thanks for the post.Really looking forward to read more. Will read on

  • lash factory
    Reply

    Utterly pent subject material, Really enjoyed reading through.

  • g gasm rabbit
    Reply

    Im grateful for the article post. Really Cool.

  • Reply

    Wow! At last I got a webpage from where I know how to in fact take valuable data regarding my study and knowledge.

  • additional reading
    Reply

    Major thanks for the article post.Really thank you! Really Great.

  • Reply

    I will immediately grab your rss feed as I can’t find your e-mail subscription link or newsletter service. Do you have any? Please let me know in order that I could subscribe. Thanks.

  • partypoker
    Reply

    Thank you ever so for you article.Much thanks again. Great.

  • Reply

    Utterly pent articles , regards for selective information.

  • Reply

    Great blog post.Thanks Again. Much obliged.

  • Reply

    Really enjoyed this post.Really thank you! Keep writing.

  • gold prices today
    Reply

    Wow that was odd. I just wrote an really long comment but after I clicked submit my comment didn at show up. Grrrr well I am not writing all that over again. Anyhow, just wanted to say superb blog!

  • Hot Tours "GALA"
    Reply

    Thanks a lot for the article.Thanks Again. Great.

  • Shirlene Villamarin
    Reply

    I find a good site for a long time. .Thanks for sharing good article. .And I will visit your site.

  • Reply

    Fantastic blog.Really looking forward to read more. Really Great.

  • minecraft
    Reply

    I all the time used to study piece of writing in news papers but
    now as I am a user of net so from now I am using net for
    posts, thanks to web.

  • Reply

    ItaаАа’б‚Т€ТšаЂаŒаАа’б‚Т€ТžаБТžs really a nice and helpful piece of info. I am glad that you shared this useful information with us. Please keep us informed like this. Thanks for sharing.

  • Cathi Deroven
    Reply

    I am usually to blogging and i genuinely appreciate your site content. This content has really peaks my interest. I am going to bookmark your internet site and keep checking choosing info.

  • Shawn Shroyer
    Reply

    What your declaring is completely real. I know that everybody have to say the exact same point, but I just assume that you set it in a way that everyone can fully grasp. I also really like the images you set in here. They fit so effectively with what youre hoping to say. Im guaranteed youll attain so numerous folks with what youve obtained to say.

  • minecraft
    Reply

    May I just say what a relief to uncover someone that really understands what they are discussing on the internet.
    You definitely know how to bring a problem to light and make it important.

    A lot more people ought to check this out and
    understand this side of your story. I was surprised
    that you aren’t more popular since you most certainly have the gift.

  • https://diyathletereviews.com/sex review
    Reply

    Good day, May I download the photograph and employ it on my personal web site?

  • Reply

    I loved your article. Great.

  • https://diyathletereviews.com/sex review
    Reply

    Hi. best wishes to you and your very nice blog”   

  • StudioTrappin
    Reply

    Wonderful article! We are linking to this particularly great article on our website. Keep up the great writing.

  • minecraft
    Reply

    This web site truly has all the information and facts
    I wanted concerning this subject and didn’t know who to ask.

  • Reply

    Major thankies for the blog post.

  • juicer dildo
    Reply

    Im thankful for the blog post.Really thank you!

  • minecraft
    Reply

    Hi there, There’s no doubt that your site could be having internet browser compatibility problems.

    When I take a look at your website in Safari, it looks fine
    however, when opening in Internet Explorer, it’s got some overlapping issues.
    I simply wanted to give you a quick heads up! Apart from that, excellent blog!

  • Reply

    I think this is a real great blog article.Thanks Again.

  • Reply

    I really liked your article post. Much obliged.

  • minecraft
    Reply

    I’d like to find out more? I’d want to find out more details.

  • Reply

    Thanks for sharing, this is a fantastic blog article. Awesome.

  • Reply

    My brother suggested I might like this blog. He was totally right. This post truly made my day. You can not imagine simply how much time I had spent for this info! Thanks!

  • cap sac type C
    Reply

    Very neat article.Much thanks again. Will read on

  • minecraft
    Reply

    Wow! Finally I got a webpage from where I be capable of truly
    get useful data regarding my study and knowledge.

  • Reply

    I cannot thank you enough for the blog post.Really thank you! Great.

  • plošče za teraso
    Reply

    Regards for this post, I am a big fan of this web site would like to go on updated.

  • click here now
    Reply

    This is one awesome post.Much thanks again. Cool.

  • Savile Row
    Reply

    These people work together with leap close to they will combined with the boots or shoes nevertheless search great. I truly do think they may be well worth the charge.

  • see this website
    Reply

    Wow, amazing blog layout! How long have you been blogging for? you make blogging look easy. The overall look of your site is fantastic, let alone the content!

  • Cliff Jumping
    Reply

    This is one awesome article.Really looking forward to read more. Great.

  • Reply

    Once We came up to this short article I may only see part of it, is this specific my internet browser or the world wide web website? Should We reboot?

  • anal toys
    Reply

    Great, thanks for sharing this article post.Really looking forward to read more. Want more.

  • penguin sex toy
    Reply

    I value the article.Really looking forward to read more. Fantastic.

  • King Cock Strap on
    Reply

    I think this is a real great blog article.Really thank you! Great.

  • Check here
    Reply

    Appreciate you sharing, great article.Thanks Again. Fantastic.

  • Reply

    Adding to my bookmarks thanks, needed some more pictures maybe.

  • Seo Miami
    Reply

    Im thankful for the article.Really thank you! Much obliged.

  • Positronic Design
    Reply

    Muchos Gracias for your post.Much thanks again. Keep writing.

  • www.lexmove.org
    Reply

    Great blog article.Really thank you! Awesome.

  • Reply

    Major thankies for the blog.Really looking forward to read more.

  • Reply

    Fantastic article.Much thanks again. Really Great.

Leave a Comment

Contact Us

We're not around right now. But you can send us an email and we'll get back to you, asap.

Not readable? Change text. captcha txt

Start typing and press Enter to search