Brené Brown on Connection and Worthiness

I’m back at work after a week’s holiday. Wow, taking a break is so essential for one’s well-being!

Last week, while I was on holiday, I caught up with some reading and spent time on the internet searching for topics to write about. Carly’s Couch is not just a space for me to write about what’s currently happening in my life.  I want this to feel like a space in which your contributions are as important and relevant as mine, where you feel like you can share your ideas and comment on other’s in a safe and meaningful way.

One of the ways in which I encourage you to participate in a conversation is by sharing other author’s ideas. I also plan to share videos and other bits and pieces I find on the internet.  So today I thought I would introduce you to a video that I recently watched, a Ted Talk. If you want to follow my media posts then use this link.

I know this is not a new video and that some of you might already know about Brené Brown and her work on shame and vulnerability, but I revisited it myself last week and so thought it was worth sharing.

It’s been a tough year for me, for many reasons. And the ideas of vulnerability and connection that Brown speaks of have been more relevant to me this year than any other, both personally and professionally.

In this video, she starts by talking about connection as a fundamental human experience. It is that which we all long for and crave. In this way, the facts are clear. We all know the value of human connection, of feeling seen and being heard, of having someone else look at us in a way that says, “I see you, and I hear you, and I want to know more”.

For the lucky ones, our first experiences of connection started when we were infants. We had caregivers who looked at us with acceptance and delighted in us. These early experiences of connection helped us to feel WORTHY. This concept of worthiness is a big one as it separates out those people who live “wholeheartedly” as Brown describes it from those who don’t.

Living “wholeheartedly” is about going into situations and relationships with courage, compassion, and the ability to connect. It’s about risking being vulnerable and about showing yourself – your whole self – in the intimacy of the moment. But unfortunately it’s a vicious cycle and those who do not feel worthy, do not risk vulnerability and therefore also miss out on experiencing intimacy and connection.

IMG_1502

What I also love about what she says in this video, is that we are numbing ourselves. I felt such a sense of sadness when she described how medicated, obese and addicted we are compared to previous generations. I would add to that. I believe that our use of technology is also “numbing” and also keeps us from experiencing our vulnerability.

But I want you to know that I understand WHY we numb ourselves. It’s scary. It hurts. To truly be open, to live “wholeheartedly” is also to open ourselves up to rejection, to loss, to grief, to pain. When we are brave enough to feel that we are enough, we have only gone half the way.

Now I can tell you that getting to the point where you feel you’re enough is incredibly difficult and can take years of self-love practices and/or therapy. Although we start our lives with this innate belief, through our experiences with parents, siblings, peers, and lovers we can sometimes lose touch with our sense of worthiness. Like Brown says in the video, when you ask people about love they tell you about heartbreak, when you ask people about connection they tell you about disconnection and loss, and when you ask people about belonging they tell you about their excruciating experiences of exclusion. This is because life is a struggle and relationships cannot be ‘controlled and predicted’. You will get hurt. You will feel loss. You will feel unwanted.

And this is the thing I have confronted this year. We can be bold and brave and risk our vulnerability but we cannot account for and control what the other will do in response to us. Even the most beautiful, “wholehearted” souls out there get trampled on and rejected. The ‘other’ – whether it is your therapist, your client, your lover, your friend, your parent, your sibling, or even your child – has their own mind and is dealing with their own fears. A moment in which the courage to be you enables you to expose yourself and hand yourself over to be loved and accepted may be the exact moment in which the other loses their footing, loses hope in themselves, gets overwhelmed by fear or shame or a sense of unworthiness. And you will be left there standing on the precipice, the winds of rejection rattling in your ears, the loud whir of loneliness all around you.

That is what we all face when we risk our vulnerability in relationships. That is always a possibility either now or later.

And so today, instead of urging you to explore your vulnerability, instead of tugging on your skirts and encouraging you to be brave, to face your fears, I am rather going to acknowledge how tough it is.

I see your fears. I know these as my own. It is damn scary. To risk being yourself, to risk being brave and to offer yourself whole and imperfect is probably one of the scariest things you will ever do. But what is the danger? The danger is loneliness, rejection, sadness, despair. Worse yet, the danger may be shame or guilt or regret. But the alternative is worse. Living a life that is safe from this kind of danger is a life in which you may never experience connection, love, acceptance, worthiness. And so here you are. You have a choice. It’s not easy but it’s simple. And to those who are already out there on the battlefields, risking their feelings and sharing their selves, I applaud you. I am in awe of your bravery, in awe of your courage, of your compassion, of your willingness to connect with all that that entails, with all the risks you have to take.

I know you’re worthy!

Showing 169 comments
  • minecraft

    I quite like reading through an article that can make people
    think. Also, many thanks for allowing for me to comment!

  • 貨量查詢

    數據發掘

  • 脫毛新角度

    含薄荷腦清潔配方的男士專用磨砂膏,可讓皮膚感到清新舒爽,便於後續的刮鬍過程。

  • 高能聚焦量超聲波( HIFU )以物理性聚焦集中成一點, 快速穿透皮膚真皮及脂肪層面直達面部表淺肌肉腱膜系統( SMAS )層令其組織細胞分子高速磨擦 , 瞬間升溫至60 -70 度,令整個表淺肌肉腱膜系統( SMAS )受熱收縮,形成熱固化區域, 令結綈組織同時拉緊,達到拉皮防皺及美容效果。SMAZ聚焦超聲波提供了最有效的HIFU能量收緊皮膚及刺激胶原蛋白新生,提升彈性,恢復更緊緻的皮膚和更年輕的美貌。

  • minecraft

    I just like the helpful information you supply to your articles.
    I’ll bookmark your blog and test once more right here
    regularly. I am slightly certain I’ll learn a lot of new stuff
    proper right here! Best of luck for the next!

  • 智能機械人

    互動性文字

  • Hey very nice blog!

  • Derma Veil ® 被喻為新世代逆齡完美輪廓塑造,最新一代的PLLA膠原。 2003年獲得Mexican Ministry of Health (SSA)認證及美國FDA出口認證,並於2006年在拉丁美洲及遠東至東南亞地區廣泛使用,多個臨床實例見證能改善老化、遺傳、疾病(如脂肪萎縮)等引起的凹陷問題,其效果備受認同。蘊含兩大活性成分均具有生物兼容性及分解性,可逐步被人體自然分解吸收,有效塑造童顏肌 : 1. 聚左乳酸 (Poly-L-lactic acid / PLLA) : 促進骨膠原生長 2. 甘醇酸(Glycolic Acid ) 使皮膚表皮層黏膠性脂質鬆軟,改善皮膚厚度,加速細胞再生,減少皺紋及疤痕,加強保濕功能,增加光澤,美白效果。 由於甘醇酸分子較小,容易滲透皮膚 治療前: 皮膚的凹陷/皺紋 治療後: 成分被人體吸收、並刺激膠原增生,撫平皺紋及凹陷部位。 注入BOTOX(保妥適)會抑制突觸前膜釋放神經遞質,阻斷乙酰膽鹼(Acetylcholine)的釋放,從而使肌肉張力下降或癱瘓麻痺,皺紋也隨之而逐漸消失。

  • You are so cool! I don’t suppose I’ve truly read something like
    this before. So good to discover another person with some genuine
    thoughts on this subject matter. Seriously.. thanks for starting this up.
    This site is something that is needed on the web, someone with a little originality!

  • Hi, Neat post. There is an issue with your website in internet
    explorer, could check this? IE still is the market leader
    and a large section of people will miss your magnificent writing due to
    this problem.

  • What’s up, always i used to check weblog posts here early in the dawn, because
    i enjoy to gain knowledge of more and more.

  • Two Girls 雙妹嚜 【身體保養系列】活花止汗劑的商品介紹 Two Girls 雙妹嚜,身體保養系列,活花止汗劑

  • Dysport是A型肉毒桿菌素,為英國一所受嚴格監管的藥廠內透過高科技純化程序提煉的蛋白質。 Dysport更獲美國食品及藥物管理局FDA核准用於美容用途,肯定其效果及安全性。其能有效阻隔神經訊息傳達,令肌肉不受神經控制,減退因肌肉而過度收縮引致的面部動態性皺紋及放鬆過度活躍的肌肉,以達到瘦面、瘦小腿效果;亦能抑制汗腺掛汗的神經系統,有效減少汗水分泌,達到止汗​​及減少異味。Dysport 瘦面 溶脂 Dysport注射到咬肌內,抑制神經肌接頭處乙酰膽鹼遞質的傳遞,使咬肌張力變小而達到瘦臉效果。

  • tinder dating site

    It is not my first time to visit this web page, i am visiting this web site dailly
    and take fastidious information from here all the time.

  • 采實文化居家DIY鍺石拔罐球,日本原裝獨家授權真空拔罐器,體積輕巧、簡單方便,輕鬆維持養生、美麗 – emily愛玩美 – FashionGuide 華人時尚專業評鑑 拔罐是廣為流傳的一種民俗調理,這一、兩年很流行將拔罐應用在美容和保健上,連好萊塢明星、奧運選手也深深趨之若鶩。采實文化最近推出了新書《居家DIY鍺石拔罐球》,有日本原裝獨家授權的鍺石拔罐球使用說明書及…,

  • ETUDE HOUSE 【別找我麻煩面膜系列】別找我麻煩~絕不逗留淨化面膜 AC TAPA GAUZE SHEET MASK-CALAMINE的商品介紹 ETUDE HOUSE,別找我麻煩面膜系列,別找我麻煩~絕不逗留淨化面膜 AC TAPA GAUZE SHEET MASK-CALAMINE

  • 醫學大未來:幹細胞當家 @ 察爾斯大夫 美麗殿堂 Dr. Charles Meridien Palace :: 痞客邦 :: 醫學大未來:幹細胞當家 撰文╱哈爾蒙(Katherine Harmon) 翻譯╱張薰文 (http://sa.ylib.com/MagCont.aspx?Unit=featurearticles&am

  • Thankfulness to my father who stated to me concerning this blog,
    this weblog is genuinely remarkable.

  • I couldn’t refrain from commenting. Exceptionally well written!

  • Coconut Oil

    I am genuinely glad to glance at this weblog posts which includes
    tons of helpful information, thanks for providing these statistics.

  • Great article, totally what I needed.

  • Great website you have here but I was wondering if you knew of any discussion boards that cover the same topics discussed in this article?
    I’d really like to be a part of group where I can get comments from other experienced individuals
    that share the same interest. If you have any recommendations, please let me know.
    Kudos!

  • descargar facebook

    Hello i am kavin, its my first time to commenting anyplace, when i read this article i thought i could also create comment due to this brilliant paragraph.

  • quest bars cheap

    Hi friends, how is the whole thing, and what you want to say about this
    piece of writing, in my view its truly awesome in favor of me.

  • quest bars

    Hi there great blog! Does running a blog such as
    this require a great deal of work? I have no understanding of computer programming however I was
    hoping to start my own blog soon. Anyway, if you have any recommendations or techniques for new blog owners please share.

    I understand this is off subject nevertheless I just had to ask.

    Many thanks!

  • The 23-year-old scored four goals in his 28 Premier League appearances but was criticised for his display in Spurs’s final day defeat to already relegated Newcastle United. Son Heung-Min calm over reports of Tottenham departure as he asks: ‘Should I be worried? I don’t think so’

  • Sling TV

    Excellent post! We are linking to this particularly great
    post on our site. Keep up the good writing.

  • Hello Dear, are you truly visiting this website daily, if so after
    that you will absolutely obtain pleasant know-how.

  • Sling TV

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts about Sling TV.
    Regards

  • Sling TV

    I really like your blog.. very nice colors & theme. Did you
    make this website yourself or did you hire someone to do it
    for you? Plz respond as I’m looking to design my own blog and would like to know where u got this
    from. many thanks

  • sling tv coupons and promo codes for november 2018
    I know this site gives quality depending content and additional data, is there
    any other website which provides these information in quality?
    Sling tv coupons and promo codes for november 2018

  • Hello friends, nice paragraph and pleasant arguments commented at this place, I am really enjoying by these.

  • Hi to every single one, it’s actually a good for me to go
    to see this site, it includes important Information.

  • I just like the valuable information you provide on your articles.
    I will bookmark your blog and take a look at once more right here frequently.

    I am somewhat certain I will learn many new stuff proper right here!
    Good luck for the next!

  • descargar facebook

    Thanks for ones marvelous posting! I truly enjoyed reading it, you might be a great
    author.I will be sure to bookmark your blog and may come back later in life.
    I want to encourage one to continue your great writing, have a nice holiday weekend!

  • Sannypealf

    Nice website!

    ___
    Sanny

  • Sannypealf

    Nice posts! 🙂
    ___
    Sanny

  • Very neat post.Thanks Again. Awesome.

  • see pron

    2iJN7f I think this is a real great article. Fantastic.

  • Thank you for your blog article. Want more.

  • Thanks a lot for the blog post.Really thank you! Great.

  • Hey, thanks for the post.Really looking forward to read more. Will read on…

  • adam and eve offers

    Im thankful for the blog. Will read on…

  • suba me

    LLGJTl This is a topic that as close to my heart Best wishes! Where are your contact details though?

  • “Awesome blog article.Really looking forward to read more. Awesome.”

  • Im thankful for the blog.Really looking forward to read more. Cool.

  • Really appreciate you sharing this blog post.Much thanks again. Fantastic.

  • www.yulilondon.com/

    Major thanks for the post.Much thanks again. Great.

  • Im grateful for the blog article.Really looking forward to read more. Will read on…

  • melatonina comprar

    Great article post.Really thank you!

  • for more info

    Really appreciate you sharing this article post.Really thank you! Cool.

  • I view something truly special in this site.

  • Israel Escorts

    Your style is unique in comparison to other people I ave read stuff from. Thank you for posting when you ave got the opportunity, Guess I will just book mark this web site.

  • lorem ipsum long

    Major thanks for the blog article. Cool.

  • artros.org

    Pretty! This has been an incredibly wonderful post. Thanks for supplying this information.

  • Thanks a bunch for sharing this with all of us you actually know what you are talking about! Bookmarked. Kindly also visit my web site =). We could have a link exchange arrangement between us!

  • times will often affect your placement in google and could damage your quality score if

  • wonderful post, very informative. I wonder why the other specialists of this sector don at notice this. You must continue your writing. I am confident, you ave a great readers a base already!

  • colors for children

    Looking around I like to look around the web, regularly I will just go to Stumble Upon and follow thru

  • This excellent website certainly has all of the information and facts I wanted concerning this subject and didn at know who to ask.

  • Just wanna tell that this is extremely helpful, Thanks for taking your time to write this.

  • Smokers Lungs

    My brother suggested I might like this blog. He was totally right. This post truly made my day. You cann at imagine simply how much time I had spent for this info! Thanks!

  • I simply couldn at depart your web site prior to suggesting that I really enjoyed the

  • Marinewaze

    You, my pal, ROCK! I found exactly the information I already searched everywhere and simply couldn at find it. What an ideal web-site.

  • cheapest essay

    Thanks for sharing, this is a fantastic blog post. Really Cool.

  • Thanks for writing such a interesting article, I stumbled onto your blog and read a few posts. I like your style of writing

  • This is one awesome blog post.Really thank you! Fantastic.

  • My Face Gifts

    That is a beautiful shot with very good light-weight -)

  • Racer

    There is certainly a great deal to know about this subject. I love all of the points you have made.

  • Do Phuot

    I visited a lot of website but I believe this one holds something special in it in it

  • When I start your Rss feed it seems to be a lot of garbage, is the issue on my side?

  • to learn more

    You can certainly see your enthusiasm in the work you write. The world hopes for even more passionate writers like you who are not afraid to say how they believe. Always go after your heart.

  • cool math games

    Very neat blog article.Much thanks again. Will read on…

  • Wow, great article post.Much thanks again. Really Cool.

  • Oluwadamilare

    Rattling clear site, thankyou for this post.

  • Thanks for sharing this fine write-up. Very inspiring! (as always, btw)

  • more information

    Say, you got a nice blog.Much thanks again. Cool.

  • Wow! This could be one particular of the most helpful blogs We have ever arrive across on this subject. Actually Excellent. I am also an expert in this topic so I can understand your effort.

  • This is one awesome article post. Awesome.

  • buy lol smurfs

    I think this is a real great blog.Really thank you! Want more.

  • buy lol smurfs

    Very educating story, I do believe you will find a issue with your web sites working with Safari browser.

  • Great, thanks for sharing this post.Really thank you! Fantastic.

  • website

    This is really interesting, You are a very skilled blogger. I have joined your feed and look forward to seeking more of your fantastic post. Also, I ave shared your website in my social networks!

  • pretty valuable material, overall I imagine this is worth a bookmark, thanks

  • hamptonsite

    Muchos Gracias for your post.Really looking forward to read more. Much obliged.

  • Awesome article.Much thanks again. Cool.

  • top onlinecasino

    Really enjoyed this blog article.Really thank you! Really Cool.

  • check over here

    If you are going for finest contents like I do, simply go to see this site every day since it provides quality contents, thanks

  • Wonderful work! That is the kind of information that should be

  • omlet arcade

    your about-all dental treatment? This report can empower you way in oral cure.

  • web page

    upper! Come on over and consult with my website.

  • adam and eve promo

    Hey, thanks for the blog post.Really thank you! Will read on…

  • Typicalcat
  • w88world.com

    My brother suggested I might like this website. He was entirely right. This post truly made my day. You cann at imagine simply how much time I had spent for this information! Thanks!

  • mca bbb

    Thank you for your article post.Really looking forward to read more. Will read on

  • Accounting ebooks

    I truly appreciate this post.Really thank you! Really Cool.

  • Manifestation Magic

    Keep up the good work, I think you are doing a good job

  • There is perceptibly a bundle to identify about this. I feel you made certain nice points in features also.

  • Thank you ever so for you blog article.Really looking forward to read more. Will read on

  • Mca reviews

    There as certainly a lot to find out about this subject. I really like all the points you made.

  • to learn more

    viagra without prescription! Overnight shiping! Click here now and get discount!

  • to learn more

    Wow, fantastic blog layout! How long have you been blogging for? you made running a blog glance easy. The total glance of your website is excellent, let alone the content material!

  • Wow, amazing blog layout! How long have you been blogging for? you made blogging look easy. The overall look of your website is fantastic, as well as the content!

  • You have already known that coconut oil is not low calorie food however.

  • Mca reviews

    This page certainly has all the information I needed about this subject and didn at know who to ask.

  • Im grateful for the blog.

  • Ep coc be tong

    This is one awesome blog article.Really looking forward to read more. Want more.

  • click here

    I see something truly interesting about your web site so I saved to favorites.

  • Thanks a lot for the blog article.Really thank you! Awesome.

  • Buy Instagram views

    There is apparently a lot to identify about this. I assume you made various nice points in features also.

  • for more info

    It as great that you are getting ideas from this piece of writing as well as from our argument made at this time.

  • Your style is so unique compared to other folks I have read stuff from. Thank you for posting when you have the opportunity, Guess I all just bookmark this site.

  • visit website

    Really appreciate you sharing this blog.Much thanks again. Much obliged.

  • mobile apk download

    wow, awesome blog post.Thanks Again. Cool.

  • pre booked

    You have observed very interesting points! ps nice internet site.

  • Thank you for your blog.Much thanks again. Really Cool.

  • Hosting Reviews

    Wow, incredible blog layout! How long have you been blogging for? you made blogging look easy. The overall look of your site is great, as well as the content!. Thanks For Your article about sex.

  • gia sat thep

    Say, you got a nice article post.Thanks Again. Really Great.

  • Tuzla

    Some truly nice stuff on this site, I love it.

  • iPhone Repair

    Thanks so much for the blog post.Thanks Again. Really Great.

  • Very good article! We are linking to this great content on our site. Keep up the great writing.

  • JDM

    This is a excellent blog, would you be interested in doing an interview about just how you designed it? If so e-mail me!

  • whats your status

    Thank you for your blog article. Awesome.

  • take a look at

    Merely a smiling visitant here to share the love (:, btw outstanding layout. Competition is a painful thing, but it produces great results. by Jerry Flint.

  • It as hard to find experienced people about this topic, however, you seem like you know what you are talking about! Thanks

  • best luggage sets

    Muchos Gracias for your post.Really thank you! Really Cool.

  • more info

    Wow, great blog post.Much thanks again. Really Cool.

  • escort bodrum

    The Best Supplements for Men To Take Your Regime Including to my diet regime has given a boost to my fitness routine

  • Some really prime blog posts on this internet site , saved to favorites.

  • dyson v8

    Thanks for sharing, this is a fantastic post.Much thanks again. Fantastic.

  • Wow! I cant believe I have found your blog. Very useful info.

  • PERM

    You made some nice points there. I did a search on the subject and found most persons will approve with your blog.

  • Must share

    topic, however, you sound like you know what you are talking

  • Sueann

    Major thankies for the article.Thanks Again. Awesome.

  • Lorraine

    Nice blog here! Also your site loads up fast! What host are you using? Can I get your affiliate link to your host? I wish my website loaded up as fast as yours lol

  • Patrina

    Well I truly enjoyed studying it. This subject procured by you is very helpful for good planning.

  • Roxana

    This is a really good tip particularly to those new to the blogosphere. Short but very precise information Many thanks for sharing this one. A must read article!

  • male enhancement

    Your style is very unique in comparison to other people I have read stuff from. Many thanks for posting when you have the opportunity, Guess I will just bookmark this site.

  • Louis Vuitton Wallets Louis Vuitton Wallets

  • Thank you for what you might have. This really is the very best submit IaаАа’б‚Т€ТšаЂаŒаАа’б‚Т€ТžаБТžve study

  • Party Bus Toronto

    What a joy to find smooene else who thinks this way.

  • I truly appreciate this post. I ave been looking all over for this! Thank goodness I found it on Bing. You ave made my day! Thanks again

  • Go Here

    Me English no great, but had to say me like what you say. Thank you from me.

  • Nwokolo

    Right now it appears like Drupal could be the preferred blogging platform available at this time. (from what I ave read) Is the fact that what you are making use of on your weblog?

  • WatchMoviesOnline

    https://penzu.com/p/03dc67f4 Saved as a favorite, I like your website!

  • Great, thanks for sharing this blog article.Much thanks again. Want more.

  • Really informative blog.Really looking forward to read more. Really Great.

  • celebration of life

    Major thanks for the blog article.Really looking forward to read more. Cool.

  • Thanks a lot for the article.Thanks Again. Awesome.

  • klm discount code

    I simply could not depart your site prior to suggesting that I extremely loved the usual info a person supply on your guests? Is going to be again continuously to investigate cross-check new posts

  • You made some clear points there. I looked on the internet for the topic and found most guys will approve with your website.

  • movie trailers

    I\ ave been looking for something that does all those things you just mentioned. Can you recommend a good one?

  • g spot vibrator

    Really enjoyed this article.Thanks Again. Much obliged.

  • ebay discount code

    Spot taking place with this write-up, I rightly ponder this website wants much further issue. I all in every probability be yet again to read a long way additional, merit for that info.

  • strip bar barcelona

    Very informative blog article.Really looking forward to read more. Awesome.

  • Im grateful for the article post.Thanks Again. Really Great.

  • web site, since I experienced to reload the

  • Speedy Jet Drainage

    Very good information. Lucky me I found your site by accident (stumbleupon). I ave bookmarked it for later!

  • trash cans

    Wow! Thank you! I continually wanted to write on my website something like that. Can I take a fragment of your post to my site?

  • mine. Please shoot me an email if interested. Thank you!

  • mp4 download

    Valuable information. Lucky me I found your web site by accident, and I am shocked why this accident did not happened earlier! I bookmarked it.

Contact Us

We're not around right now. But you can send us an email and we'll get back to you, asap.

Not readable? Change text. captcha txt

Start typing and press Enter to search