Advice about removing toxic people from your life

 In Advice, All, Relationships

“My boyfriend and I had a big fight the other night. It got physical. He pushed me and was also verbally abusive. I told him it’s over but he won’t leave me alone. The problem is he keeps on calling and texting me asking me to forgive him and he makes me feel like I’m the one that’s being a dick because I won’t give him another chance. He says I’m being judgemental because I’m not prepared to accept the fact that he has flaws. He’s also demanding to meet up so we can speak about these things because he says I haven’t given him a chance to explain himself. He’s pulling at my heartstrings and I need a voice of reason. I still like his good side and it’s killing me to think we’ll always look at each other with mild hatred/disgust/disappointment and other bad feelings, and not be friends again ☹ Do you think it’s even possible to bounce back and be buddies after something like this?

 

Carly:

I don’t know if it’s possible but if he respects you then he’ll understand that you need space from him right now because he scared you. It sounds like he still isn’t truly taking responsibility for what he did, let alone apologise. He’s probably got a stack of excuses at the ready and is basically using emotional blackmail tied in with some blame to make you feel that this is your fault not his. Remember, you don’t owe him anything. The whole “please give me a chance to explain” is just another manipulative tactic. There is NO explanation; nothing can be said that justifies his actions. He just wants to reel you in. Your feelings about how uncomfortable or difficult future interactions might be are completely understandable but it’s not your job to make this right. Your responsibility now is to look after yourself and keep yourself from harm’s way. What you are doing is for yourself because that is the most important relationship in the world, the one with yourself and if anyone cannot respect you or treat you right then you have the right to deny them the fucking privilege of being close to you. End of story.

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Showing 4 comments
  • Theresa That
    Reply

    I love reading your blog! You give stellar advice.

    • Carly
      Reply

      Thanks so much!

      Hey I see you’re the crazy gal who got tattooed for the blogcademy! Wow! I also really want to go. Moving to Berlin in July so wanna go check out the course there. Have you been on it yet? If not, please keep in touch to let me know how it goes!

      Take care 🙂

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  • […] I don’t know if this says more about me than it does Lena, but I like her stories about men the most. I like how she manages to grasp the awful balancing act required when one’s desire for love and affection is great but one’s tolerance for mistreatment and neglect is even greater. She really does “teach” her readers something here. And it’s not something you haven’t been told before. Hell, I’ve even made mention of this kind of thing previously on this blog. […]

  • […] I don’t know if this says more about me than it does Lena, but I like her stories about men the most. I like how she manages to grasp the awful balancing act required when one’s desire for love and affection is great but one’s tolerance for mistreatment and neglect is even greater. She really does “teach” her readers something here. And it’s not something you haven’t been told before. Hell, I’ve even made mention of this kind of thing previously on my other blog. […]

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